Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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