Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
