Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I could fuck to npr.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
