i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
