I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
