he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She even gives head with a lisp.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
