if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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