The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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