they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
