Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize