I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
