So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
