i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
