they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
