If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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