I'm so fucking centered right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
