cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
