i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
