Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize