I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
