Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
