Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
