I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize