I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
