Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
