My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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