Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
