8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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