just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
