so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
