How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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