I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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