Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
