dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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