Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
