You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
