Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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