I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
