She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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