paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize