I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
