is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
