On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
