i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
