why didn't you poke me back
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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