Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
