this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
