I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The power of my boobs compel you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
