so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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