Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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