I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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