it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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