Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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