remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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