you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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