You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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