so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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