im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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