So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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