I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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