apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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