Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it glows. i had to have it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
