i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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