If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
