wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
