paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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