and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
