So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
