just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
