Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
