if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
