i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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