actually, I'm a sock model
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
