Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize